matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
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How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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