he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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