dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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