I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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