And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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