I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
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You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
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I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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