I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I checked into jail on foursquare
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
