you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
