VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
