My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
