I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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