We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
