we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
