yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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