she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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