I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
