vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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