she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
