sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
