Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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