1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
