You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
