So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
