i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
