Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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