Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
