oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
