I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
