I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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