I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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