the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just threw up on my dentist
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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