What a fucking waste of an outfit
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
