Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
