What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
