I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
