Im at strip club and am horny
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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