I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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