So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
