she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
