The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
