I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
