Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize