I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
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I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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