i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
