there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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