I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
