I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
