I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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