I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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