Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
