I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
