I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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