Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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