Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
