Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
soo... how was my night?
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