her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
