Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
