how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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