She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize